One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
