Plan B is the new Plan A
You can't motorboat a personality
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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