you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
