$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
