Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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