bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
