The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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