soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
