Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
