when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
