Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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