He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
