It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
