I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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