Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
