one might say we're banned from that church
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
