I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
