What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
