He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
