So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
