Umm I'm too high to move.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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