She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
