My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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