No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
