I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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