I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hippo gnu deer
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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