Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
