Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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