He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
