Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He better not be in your backpack
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
