he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
