I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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