I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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