Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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