All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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