I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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