Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
