3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
