I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
