I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no, he came in my armpit
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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