we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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