After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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