Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
