wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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