lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
