kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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