Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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