He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
