My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
