Im at strip club and am horny
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
